Here’s a young woman in the 21st century, talking in Jane Austen’s terms. When you portray yourself as the helpless female who needs a home provided for her, I feel frustrated. Does your lover genuinely fancy three small children ricocheting around his love nest, cramping his style? But imagining himself as an impregnator is a world away from becoming a caring stepfather-figure. That phrase ‘wants me to have his baby’ is overlaid with masculine narcissism. If I told you that the heat dies down in time, would you believe me? Now you lie in the marital bed burning up in every cell. You had a child just two years ago, so I suspect your coldness only dates from the affair.īored, trapped, worried about getting older, you were ripe for the picking. Pow! What chance has the everyday affection of a mundane spouse? Flattered and aroused by Mr Big, you now deny the love you must have had for your husband.
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You describe your new man in romantic-novel terms: the dream lover, loaded with money, status and offering all that plus orgasms. You’re calling yourself worthless to justify your actions, but it doesn’t work.Īll I can do is lay out a few possibilities, to help you decide where to go next, even though someone having hot sex is as capable of rational thought as Anna Karenina was when she ran off with Vronsky, with the direst consequences. You use the word ‘wrong’ and must realise your mooching self-pity will irritate many readers, as it does me. No words from me could judge you as harshly as you do yourself. What is wrong with me? I don’t know what I am going to do. How can a woman lucky enough to have three healthy children say her life is empty? When I’m not with my lover, all I can think about is him, but it’s so much better than my previous empty life. Recently I ended our relationship but cried in secret. I’m not sure that I want more children but with ‘him’, perhaps. So my lover would have to provide me with a house and support me and my children (of course they’d see their father as much as possible). I have three children, no money, no skills with which to find a job. The loneliness of it all nearly drove me mad until I met ‘him’ - but what am I doing? I’ve been a housewife for ten years and adore my children, however I hate my life here with my husband in this house and in this street. My lover makes me feel so young and sexy all over again. I didn’t think anyone would find me attractive enough to want me again at my age (I’m 36). He wants me to leave my husband and make a life with him and have his baby. He’s well off, successful and sex with him is everything I ever dreamed of. The thought of him with a loving partner makes me feel happy the thought of him alone and sad is awful.īut I am having an affair with a single man I adore. I know that he is worth so much more than me. Our boys, aged eight and six, and two-year-old girl adore their dad who’s a wonderful father and a truly decent man. I don’t feel much for my husband we very rarely have sex (no longer fancy him). I’m crazy and going to cause so much hurt (maybe) but don’t feel able / want to stop.
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